God bless toilets.

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow Me.” —Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23, Matthew 16:24

Recently I have become thankful for a very strange thing.  I have recently become thankful for toilets.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I have some much thankfulness in my heart for toilets.

It all began while I was in Cambodia.  We were traveling through the rural settings of the country on site visits.  One night I stayed in a hotel room with a broken air conditioning system (another thing I have become immensely thankful for).  That night was literally one of the most uncomfortable experiences in my entire life.  The heat was unreal.  Honestly, there are no words to describe to you that type of heat.  It is unlike anything I have ever encountered in this country, or in any other country I have been in.  It is the type of heat and humidity that makes a deep south August night feel like a crisp March morning.  I was in a battle of the mind, to overcome my physical discomfort and find a way to sleep.  As sad as it is to admit, I don’t know that I have ever been challenged quite like that.  I kept thinking to myself, “Ok, Lord, this is it, this is reality, and this is how people here live.  I wanted this. In a way, I prayed for this.  So, let’s do this.”

Somehow, I managed to sleep a little.  I woke up got out of bed when my alarm went off, and was quickly aware of the fact that I was dehydrated.  Very dehydrated.  So, in the lobby during check out, I purchased the largest bottle of water I could find.  I then proceeded to drink that water at a rapid pace.  We left the hotel and headed to a rural site visit.  Even though it was morning, the sun was so intense standing out in the fields.  I could feel my body slowing down.  After receiving no break from the heat the night before, my body wasn’t taking very well to the sun and unreal heat of the fields.  A member of our team escorted me back to one of the vehicles and insisted I drink more water (rightfully so).  After drinking as much water as I could, another problem quickly arose.  I was no longer dehydrated (thankfully)…I had to pee…badly.  Now, had I been in northern Nevada, I wouldn’t have thought twice about finding some high brush and solving my problem.  However, I didn’t know much about the brush in Cambodia, nor what types of plants, insects, or animals I might find out in it.  I also had no idea what the members of my current party would think of this action either.  So, once again I found myself in a battle of the mind. 

I was very relieved to find out that we would soon be stopping by a house where I could use the restroom.  I almost galloped into that "bathroom."  That was until I found myself face to face with my first, ever, latrine.  Now, what I am about to say is going to be the whitest, most basic, American girl statement ever, and I am sorry: I had no idea what I was even looking at, and for a moment thought, “wait, where is the toilet?”  It may have been my first latrine, but it certainly was not my last.  As our site visits continued I used bathrooms that would make the average gas station bathroom look fancy, and super clean. 

It’s funny how our first experience with something new, and perhaps unpleasant, seems so challenging.  However, as we are met with that same experience over time, we quickly adjust and the challenge begins to dissipate.  By the end of our trip, I was no longer shocked to find a latrine on the other side of the bathroom door.  It just became what I expected.  So much so, that when we arrived at the airport I was surprised to find a toilet.

You may not consider toilets amongst your blessings, I know I certainly did not, but that may be because you have come to expect them in your life.  Yes, their purpose isn’t amongst the glamorous, and in some instances they can be considered lowly or disgusting.  However, I want to point out that toilets play a large role in protecting our health, providing comfort in uncomfortable situations, and in separating us from the unpleasant.  They provide a real blessing each and every day.  Even if we don't see it that way.

You know how people say God is in everything?  Well, I guess that is true, because I recently found Him in the restroom.  I know…I know...it’s a little awkward.  Due to my experience, I just can’t help but think about the huge blessings in my life that I have taken for granted…or even have begun to despise.  So, I began to look at my life, and I realized that actually I take for granted a majority of my blessings.  There are small ones, like the fact that my Mother calls me almost everyday.  Then there are really big ones, like the fact that I have more than enough food to eat, that I wake up in an immensely comfortable bed every morning, and that I was given the chance to have an education.  All of these are immense blessings!  Yet, sometimes I catch myself feeling annoyed when my Mom is calling, again!  Or I grumble about the fact that I am overweight, or that I couldn’t get comfortable last night, or that I have spent so much of my twenties is school.  Bla, bla, bla, bla, bla.   

The other day I was thinking on these things, and I felt like God very strongly placed something on my heart: “God is for you, not about you.”  As I let myself spend time in those words, I began to realize that I have really taken to the bad habit of making God about me.  I really love all of the grace, love, redemption, and forgiveness sides of God, but when it comes down to the effort side… I am a little less interested.  Whoa, now that is a confession.  What do I mean by the effort side?  Well, I find myself lacking trust in God’s will for my life.  So, I have been side skating fully submitting to His will.  I am more about Jessie’s will for my life.  Which has led me to a place of "meh" towards my life.  What do I mean?  Well, there are a lot of things in my life that I look at and think "meh."  Where others may look at my blessings and think, "Wow, she is so blessed!"  I have gotten to where I feel only mildly excited about them.  I have identified that all of this comes from a wild case of "looking over the fence syndrome."  Like toilets, I have come to expect certain things in my life, and because of that I have not given my life or God the amount of gratitude warranted.

With Easter approaching I have been spending time in the gospels.  The thing I find most amazing of Jesus’ life is the fact that He had so much trust in His position.  Even as a young boy He understood who He was and what He was meant to do.  He walked so boldly in His life.  He was so full of grace, love, confidence, and gratitude.  Jesus fully trusted God’s will for His life.  Which is no small thing.  I think we forget that Jesus was a man, just like you and me.  I think that it is easy to think that Jesus was more capable or had more power over His life than we all do.  Yet, we see that this is not true when we read His prayer on the final night of His life, “"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."  Man, I don’t know how many times I have prayed a similar prayer…but have forgotten that last part.  Yet not my will, but yours be done.

Now the following are my own thoughts, take them or leave them.  When I read those words all I can think is, “Man, Jesus really trusted that God is exactly who He says He is; which is fully and completely good.”  Even though the first part of Jesus’ prayer shows that He is frightened, and that He does not want to experience the pain and death that awaits Him, the second part of the prayer shows just how much He trusts in the goodness and the glory that is God’s will.  So, what does all of this have to do with toilets?  Well, toilets have become my real life, simple reminder of the fact that not every blessing God bestows upon us is going to feel like a blessing.  Some blessings may not even be about us.  For example, God’s will for Jesus’ life was a blessing, history’s greatest blessing, but at the time I doubt Jesus felt very blessed.  Similar to how each of us may feel when God places something in our life that we just don’t understand.  We may even ask him to “let this cup pass from us,” and though He will openly and compassionately listen to our prayer, His will may not change.  God is for you, not about you.  His will trumps ours every time, and that is because God’s will is kingdom focused, while ours is often narrowly focused on ourselves. 

As we begin this week before Easter, let us remember what Jesus did.  Let us remember His life, but also let us remember His death.  Let us remember the choice that He made when He spoke, “Yet not my will, but yours be done.” In doing so I hope to remind myself each and every day that God's will is what my life is all about.  I hope to begin to really practice trusting, with my whole heart, throughout each day, and to start putting in a lot more effort towards being grateful.  Jesus made a choice to trust that God’s will for His life was far greater than His own, and it truly has made all of the difference.  Even in the weakness of flesh He was able to submit His life to a greater purpose, a purpose that was kingdom focused. It is because of His trust that we are saved.

On March 12th my daily devotional spoke this into my heart: “Waiting, trusting, and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain.  Trusting is the central strand because it is the response from My children that I desire the most.  Waiting and hoping embellish the central strand and strengthen the chain that connects you to me.  Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust me.  If you mouth the words “I trust you” while anxiously trying to make things go your way, your words ring hallow.  Hoping is future-directed, connecting you to your inheritance in heaven.  However, the benefits of hope fall fully on you in the present.  Because you are Mine, you don’t just pass time in your waiting.  You can wait expectantly, in hopeful trust.  Keep your “antennae” out to pick up even the faintest glimmer of My Presence.”